I have a confession…
As a little girl, I always wanted to have a dreamy, fairy tale relationship with my father. I enjoyed the days when I was “daddy's little girl” and sometimes I long to relive those moments and have that again. I've begun to accept that maybe that won't be my story and I'm ok with that!
Anyone who grew up with me or knows me well knows the struggle with my dad. You remember the apathy I had for so long and the blatant disrespect I showed towards him. You know the value in these current pictures of my father and I, and you might even have to do a double take or pinch yourself to make sure you're not trippin! Lol
If you don't know me well yet, here's the short story: My dad and I have had a very interesting relationship to say the least... although I grew up with him in the home, we couldn't have been further apart. We had many disagreements and much turmoil in the course of my youth and teenage years. I definitely did not honor him like the bible instructs [Exodus 20:12]. I was actually ecstatic when my parents divorced right before I left for college in 2012 because I felt I had an excuse never to be around him again…that’s how bad it was.
Thankfully, while I was in college God showed me the burden I was carrying around because of the damage in our relationship [daddy issues are REAL y'all]. It was clear that the unforgiveness in my heart towards my dad was blocking some other areas in my life from growing and being blessed. I remember the anxiety I felt reaching out to him in 2015 to see when we could meet and talk. My only goal was to go and tell him I forgave him and leave. Of course God had more in mind - we were able to forgive one another, talk some things out, release, and commit to move forward. That is a moment I'll never forget!
This is not to say that everything changed immediately that day, but it was like they say “a weight was lifted from my shoulders.” Now, God had access to come in and work on my daddy wounds. Over the years, God started showing me how this relationship with my earthly father affected how I viewed my relationship with Him, my heavenly father.
A major recurring theme in the bible is trusting God - I can't even count how many times I've read about people in the bible who trusted God or read scripture instructing us to trust God. I'd always read them and said I trusted God, but in all honesty I didn't know how to! Recently, I watched a sermon by Transformation Church that helped me realize the correlation between my daddy wounds and my distrust of God. Basically, because I had a broken relationship with my dad, I looked at God through that same lens which was hindering me from growing in relationship with Him.
The journey began with forgiving my father, but it continues as I learn the truth about God as my heavenly father. There are so many truths about God that I've experienced and now believe: He will never leave me or abandon me [Deut. 31:6]; He loves me unconditionally [John 3:16]; He cannot lie [Numbers 23:19] - He keeps His word. Knowing and acknowledging these things, I'm okay if my dad and I don't have the perfect relationship because if I can trust God who is perfect, He will keep His word and heal our relationship.
With this perspective, it's easier for me to celebrate every step we take towards manifesting the relationship God wants us to have. Every time we get to hang out, it's a step in the right direction! Complete change won't happen overnight but as long as we keep walking together, we'll get there a lot faster. Sometimes I still have my doubts and hesitations, but then I remember that my heavenly father has us both in His hand and He knows His perfect will for us.
Here's my new confession: I have daddy issues, but my heavenly father is healing them so He'll get the glory from our story.
Do you have daddy issues? What’s your journey been like? Comment on this post or connect with me on Instagram @anginspires! Watch the Daddy Issues sermon by Transformation Church here.