in the Wilderness
Remember earlier this year when I spent so much time getting refocused? Somewhere between then and now, I feel like I've started back at square one. Lately, I've been in this really weird space spiritually and mentally. It's kinda like I've been stuck. Although things are moving around and even IN my life, I just haven't been able to focus.
I compare my life right now to the Israelites when they were out in the wilderness on the way to the promised land. It's like I've been rescued from my old ways, but now I'm on this long journey to whatever God has for me. He's given me all of these promises to look forward to but from my current point of view, things feel so impossible. Along the way, I keep running into these different challenges and internal battles and instead of turning to God who knows the final destination, I try to fight by myself and continue to fail.
Sometimes I feel discouraged about where I am and the path that I'm on. Other times, I think back to all of the blessings God has given me and wonder why He chose me for those things. Then, I'm reminded that everything I've experienced (good or bad) is part of His plan for my life. All things will work together for my good! This phase of wilderness is not meant to hurt me or weaken me - it's purpose is to strengthen me and prepare me for what's to come.
The only way I can find my way out of this wilderness is to keep my eyes stayed on God. Then, He will direct my path. If I can work on putting my focus on God versus everything else going on, maybe the journey out of the wilderness won't be so bad. I imagine that as tough as this journey has been, there must be something AMAZING waiting for me on the other side!
Until I get there, my prayer is that God continues to prepare me and give me the patience to endure every challenge that comes my way in the wilderness. I know that He will give me the strength and the tools to find my way as long as I put my trust in Him.
Lord, thank you for the wilderness. Even though I'm struggling, I can find peace knowing that you're with me through it all! You wouldn't give me any more than I could bear and I know that all of these trials are just building up my endurance. Thank you for thinking so highly of me even when I don't think highly of myself! I know the plans you have for me are greater than I could ever imagine. Help me to focus on you and not myself! Amen.